Origin Story - An Explosive Experience
Growing up in Kittanning, Pennsylvania, my childhood and teen years were dominated by the formidable presences of my father and grandfather. Beyond managing farms, my grandfather owned several apartment buildings, with my father, as the eldest son, acting as the overseer. By default, I was roped into being the handyman. This role, albeit challenging, shaped the person I became, for better or worse.
A Lesson in Humility and Resilience: One of the most significant moments of my life came when I was just nine years old. My father, driven by a sense of duty, pushed me to try out for little league baseball. It was 1963, a different time, where sports were less inclusive, and the pressure to perform was intense. I vividly recall standing at the plate, missing all ten swings at the ball under the watchful eyes of local coaches. The humiliation of that day was profound. Failing publicly, I decided never to expose myself to such vulnerability again, adopting a philosophy of disengagement and indifference which lingered for years.
Cold Mornings and Hard Lessons: The ethos of hard work was deeply ingrained in our family, often to an extreme. I remember frigid mornings when my father would wake me to fix frozen gas lines on my grandfather’s property. The danger of our methods, including placing hay bales near gas lines to melt the ice, was lost on my father. An explosion that nearly cost me my sight was dismissed with a terse command to get back to work. These episodes, marked by a lack of concern for safety, justified my drinking habit, which began to spiral out of control.
Mowing Cemeteries and Brewing Stories: During the summers, my brother and I were tasked with mowing not just a family plot but two entire Catholic cemeteries in Kittanning. I learned about the community's history through this work, including fascinating tales like that of Colonel William G. Sirwell, a Civil War hero whose monument we cared for. The job was tough, but it instilled in me a profound sense of place and history, even though it was also here that I began to regularly consume alcohol as a young teenager—a common practice among the locals, who saw it as harmless.
A Wake-Up Call in Pittsburgh: The culmination of my struggles with alcohol came much later when I found myself waking up in a car, disoriented and scared, only to learn that my mother was driving me to Pittsburgh to be committed. That hospital stay marked a turning point. It was there that I was introduced to the 12-step recovery program. Despite my initial resistance, this program eventually became a cornerstone of my journey towards sobriety.
Confronting the Beast Within: Recovery wasn't linear. There were setbacks and denials, moments of clarity followed by days of doubt. I grappled with the understanding that behaviors are often driven by underlying issues. It wasn’t just about abstaining from alcohol but addressing the deeper emotional and psychological scars that had influenced my actions for years.
Moving Forward: Today, as I reflect on these experiences, I realize how each moment, each challenge, and each setback was a step on the path back to myself. Discussing these topics isn't just about recounting past hardships but about understanding how they shape us. Like the subtle yet inevitable effects of a butterfly’s wings, our actions and experiences ripple through time, informing who we become.
Life in Kittanning taught me many lessons: about resilience, about healing, and about the profound impact of our surroundings on our personal journey. It's a story of returning home, not just to a place, but to oneself.
